Podcast Ep. 60 – Understanding Your ‘Why’
Larry Olsen July 27, 2021
Why? Why are you successful at everything you do? Why did you purchase that expensive product? Why did you react to the situation like that? As Larry recaps his last episodes we take a look at the driving force behind all action and reaction. We understand the driving force of Bobby Lieb from episode 57 & the reason why he has experienced great success at everything he does. We uncover the science behind why you buy that product you don’t really need through learning about advertising from Admanity in Episode 58. And hear about an upcoming guest who has reached success through the simplicity of never bringing preconceived notions into problem solving.
Larry Olsen Welcome. I’m Larry Olsen, and what’s on your mind, once set, it delivers your life. To change the outcomes, we want we must change the plays we’re running. Join us at Mindset Playbook with Real people – Real talk – Real insight.
Narrator Today’s episode is sponsored by Aperneo, an Achievement Acceleration Company, whose approach to professional development enables clients to gain insights and perspectives to live, work and engage with more success.
Larry Olsen I’d like to welcome you to Mindset Playbook and thank you for investing your time and insights into not only how we think, but why we keep getting the things we get in life, as we’ve talked before. One of the most important elements that goes on in our own mind are the words that we use. We have a constant dialog, conversation with ourselves, and very few people recognize how powerful each word is. “Hate”. Now, when you think of that word, what kind of wells up inside of you? “Love.” Another one that creates strong emotion. “Indifference,” try to get some emotion out of that, and we recognize that we do have conversation with self and as we talk and continue to educate one another, we realize that the reason I’m getting what I’m getting in my life is not because of what is happening to me. It’s because of how I talk to myself about what is happening to me. And that’s where the true power and control comes over this thing called subconscious, which stores all the information since birth. And then our conscious mind attempts to discuss with itself how it’s going to handle each situation where more often than not, it’s already handled the situation. And so, it’s really talking to itself about how it went, based on how it handled it. So however, you think in the relative to your subconscious, in your conscious mind, I think we can all agree on one thing is that we do have a conversation with ourselves.
[00:01:59] So that being said, I’m going to take a few minutes to go over some of the podcasts that we’ve recently had and talk about the important elements that I got out of them in the sense of how this is applicable, to your life, into my life, and also to get you interested in wanting to listen to that specific podcast as well.
[00:02:26] So not too long ago, we decided to sell our house and we were just figuring out who we were going to have as an agent. Now, there are many agents out there, but recognizing the power of this market I wanted to make sure that I had someone who was really ingrained in this specific market, you know, if you got a toothache, you can go to a doctor and the doctor can talk to you about why you have a toothache, but you have to get specific and go to a dentist, someone who’s specialized more than just general medicine as to what needs to be done on that particular tooth. You may even be going even more specific to an oral surgeon, who has really kind of narrowed it down further and further and further. And so that’s what we decided to do. We decided to go with someone who’d been in this neighborhood for the last 30 years, his children were brought up in this area and he knew the houses inside and out. So afterwards, I had so much fun with the sale of the house because of this guy’s personality. That I asked him if he would like to do a podcast, and he’d been doing several television appearances because of this crazy market and wanting to get his perspective on it, because there’s a lot of people out there that are purchasing houses, are trying to find one, and it’s not an easy deal. You’ve got to be persistent and patient. So anyway, I wanted to spend a little time talking about Bobby Lieb.
[00:04:01] Bobby Lieb sold over 3,700 houses since he’s been in sales, he’s been in the top one percent for years, which puts him at that very top. He also had mentioned some things as we were doing the interview that I want to spend a little time on. And one of it, one of those concepts was the concept of winning versus the concept of losing. Have you ever lost anything in your life? Have you ever lost at anything in your life? To lose something is like a wallet or relationship. Breaking up is one thing, to lose at something is a little different. He had been brought up in athletics and winning was everything. And however, you feel about that or think about that, I want you to think about this. When you are attempting to accomplish something, do you attempt to win at it, or do you attempt not to lose at it? Because there are two different mindsets, some people approach things where I don’t want this not to happen and others approach things where I want this to happen. And that is we’re spending a little time on. We are someone who is heat seeking and we’re said to be teleological in nature, which means that we need end results, we need to have outcomes in our mind. We need to have a checklist at least to know that by the end of the day, what have we accomplished? You can look at it a multitude of ways. But if we don’t have anything to accomplish or any boxes to check, there’s no reason to get out of bed in the morning. The only reason you got out of bed is because you had an outcome that you wanted to have accomplished by the end of the day or in a week or a year or five years or whatever the time frame is that you put around it. While you are attempting to accomplish things, are you avoiding that which could keep you from accomplishing it, or do you have such a strong vision of it? In my book, Get A Vision and Live It, we talk about the importance of that because 95% of people move forward avoiding things. And they do that because it’s natural. It’s how our brain is designed. It’s designed to make sure that we survive. All right, and where we store the information from our experiences, we call the subconscious, which is our library now, the subconscious can be thought of as a five-year-old child. It really all it wants is to be able to enjoy the moment and it really doesn’t necessarily follow directions well. But the challenge is it doesn’t decide whether it wants to follow the direction well or not, it just follows it’s considered a survival mechanism. And what that means is whatever your conscious mind is talking to itself about, whether it wants that to occur or not, when you make a mistake and you go, “oh, that was stupid of me,” all your subconscious recognizes is that you want to be stupid. When you say, “wow, that was really amazing, I’m quite proud of myself.” Your subconscious then realizes that you’re someone who is quite proud of yourself, someone who’s prone to accomplishment. You can see where you have to continue with one way or the other to start to really build that self-image and that sense of who you are. And over time, you don’t have to think about it anymore. That makes sense. So, if someone thinks and tries to avoid losing when a new opportunity presents itself, they automatically start to try to figure out what could possibly happen, what could go wrong, so that they can kind of prepare for the worst. Well, guess what that does emotionally when you’re preparing for the worst, do you think that pumps you up? Do you think that you come from a position of clarity and on top of your game? Or can it put a little trepidation in there? Can it put a little doubt discouragement? And that’s something that’s really, we really need to think about.
[00:08:33] When we popped out of the womb, we were ready to go for everything and anything, and when did we want it? Right now? Well, as we began to get older, we found that we were institutionalized, and what I mean by that is our parents, outside forces, schooling, whatever it may have been, that was starting to determine for us how we should think about ourselves. We’re sitting in the vice principal’s office, maybe we were a rebel, or we were shamed because we didn’t do our homework and we got sent away, or whatever the situation may have been. These things get stored neurologically in the cell of our brain and we begin to start to learn about who we are. Do we? No! We learn about what we become because who we are is absolutely amazing. What we become may fall short of that, depending on the experience? No, how we talk to ourselves about the experience.
[00:09:33] So the reason I wanted to work with Bobby Lieb, is because all he needs is an outcome. And when he asked how much I wanted for the house, I gave him a number that was inconceivable and then being the good relator, that he was he started doing comps and he started to show me where that was unrealistic. But I wanted it, and I was unwilling to care about the comps. Now, typically that won’t get you your house sold, but this market was so crazy that, that’s exactly what we ended up getting. Now, could have asked for more. I don’t think so. I think there’s a point of diminishing returns. But the reason that I chose Bobby was because of his attitude. His attitude was “make it happen.” His attitude was, “how do I win with this?” Not, what could happen where I could lose with this. Now, that doesn’t mean you’re not practical. He came with comps. He told me what I probably could get for the house. But again, he also realized. If you’ve got what someone else wants. And they want it so bad they’re willing to do or just about pay anything for it, and it just happened to turn out that we found the perfect, perfect family for the neighborhood, the school system, their age groups. I mean, it couldn’t have been a better fit. And yet, because of what we’ve done to the house, it was realistic for them. So, with Bobby Lieb, here’s another thing. Here’s a guy at the top of his game, a true professional. And this is this was this was probably one of the biggest reasons why I selected this guy. Not only did I recognize how good he was, but I didn’t know what his attitude would be. He could also be a little pretentious. He could be a little ego based. And what when I made the phone call to his company, he answered the phone. Now, I share that in many other things that he teaches us about buying or selling a house. And if that’s something that you’re interested in, or just what it takes to to be successful, then he’s a podcast you really want to tune into?
[00:12:02] I want to shift now from him, and I want to move into something that we all deal with day in and day out, and it’s called advertisement. One of the things I like about being able to record series or movies, you know, typically a series or television shows, as you can fast forward through the commercials, correct, because I’m not interested in the commercials. When I want to buy something, I pretty much have an idea of what it is I want to buy. And then I go get online and find out where I can get the best buy. I’m also an emotionally triggered individual, as all of you are out there, and if it appeals to my subconscious, then I’m going to buy it, whether it’s practical or not. And I’ll ultimately find a way to prove to myself what a great buy that was, unless afterwards I get more information and then I have buyer’s remorse. And I wondered why on earth did I buy that anyway? Is there an opportunity to get out of this? We all have gone through that to one degree or another.
[00:13:13] The gentleman that I’m going to talk about now, and I encourage you as well to listen to his podcast, is Brian Gregory. Brian Gregory has spent years coming up with a logarithm that he has put together, how to come up with the best ad for whatever you’re selling in your company, for how you present your company, it is applicable to negotiations that you may be having about wanting something or selling something. It can even be beneficial in relationships because he breaks down these 15 emotions that we all have in the history of man, and they haven’t changed. And so, advertising good advertising appeals to those emotions. And he’ll get into the specifics. He’ll talk to you about why some commercials sell over other commercials, how some commercials, some companies like Geico, we’re ready to go out of business, and then they came up with something that appealed to the subconscious. And that was a little bit of silliness and having some crazy kind of kind of offerings that people associated for some reason or
another with their insurance company, even though they had nothing to do with the insurance company. But it appealed to those emotions. And when you can appeal to that subconscious which wants to buy now and wants to enjoy now, then you are much more successful in advertising. And since advertising and great advertising is almost cost prohibitive for smaller organizations, he’s got an offering that will ultimately be in your own best interest for any kind of ad you’re about to place and really get the bang for your buck. Here’s what one of his mottos is, now, think about this in advertising, “you can’t sell your brand to the world until you know what attracts the world to your brand.” OK, so you can get all dressed up and go out at night and think that maybe that’s going to assist you if you’re looking to develop a relationship with someone else. Or you can find out what draws people’s attraction or attention when going out. You might recognize that what you’re wearing would not do that. And you may choose to put something else on. You may recognize that your approach may turn people off and you may choose to change that. And that’s called awareness, isn’t it? It’s called taking a look at ourselves and saying, are we putting ourselves in the best position, the best version of ourselves that’s appealing to those individuals that we want to develop a relationship with or want to attract towards us, whether it be personal or business. And that’s just common sense, because if you are not attracting people, you’re repelling them. So, I want I really encourage you to listen to this guy, because he is not only funny, but he is taken what had for most people think is complicated and made it really, really simple. Also, there’s a free offering on that particular one that will allow you to figure out what emotion is specific to what you’re attempting to sell or how are you presenting yourself so that you can get the best return on your investment. And that company that he developed is called Admanity like ‘humanity’. But ‘add’ in going out there and ‘manity’, “Admanity” meaning it’s universal. Anyone who walks upright has a cerebral cortex, can make decisions for themselves, will find this tremendously appealing.
[00:17:58] I liked something else that he brought up, which was, we don’t want to change, we just want what we don’t have. You know, I don’t want to do all this study, just give me the answers, I mean, a lot of a lot of individuals don’t want to put the work in. They just want the results. And you know better than that. Or you wouldn’t be listening to this. You recognize that not only does it build self-esteem to have earned it yourself, but also recognize that there’s a lot of growth in learning new things. And so when I when I thought about that, we don’t want to change. We just want what we don’t have. Why don’t we want to change? And you might say, no, I don’t mind changing. Well, studies show that less than five people out of a thousand, are actually succeeding at the change that they wanted to create. That’s a pretty small percentile means a lot of people will start something only to get themselves talked out of it based on the results that they’re getting, because what are they doing now? They’re letting the circumstances decide for them and then they’re talking to themselves about the circumstances, which then gives the power to the circumstance. Well, how do you not let the circumstances have all the power? You have a vision, and the visions got to be stronger than what we call current reality, whatever it is that’s taking place in our life right now. That way, we’re wide open to the information necessary to be able to be responsive to it because it and it alone is going to assist us in getting what we want.
[00:19:40] The other information is superfluous. We don’t need it. And one last thing that I want to share with this guy. Well, first off, you’ll hear a lot of laughter during this podcast. And that’s just because, as I mentioned before, he really knows how to phrase things where it catches you a little off guard, but it’s planted inside of you. I mean, it sticks because you say, of course, that’s common sense. I think it was Edison who said, once we find the solution, we realize it was simple. And isn’t that the case with many things, “duh” that wasn’t too complicated and whatever that may have been, that you didn’t know how, and then once you knew, how much easier is it? I once got something from me, from Ikea and I got five of them. The first one took me about forty-five minutes, the last one took me ten minutes. Why? Well, I learned, didn’t I. While I was learning, whenever we’re learning we have to take the time to what to learn. But then once we have the learning, guess what we’ve been able to do now we’ve been able to reduce and improve our efficiency. That’s why it’s so essential that we learn more than what we know if we want to grow and accomplish more than we’re currently accomplishing.
[00:21:32] Which takes us to Susan Houde. Susan Houde is one that I think you’ll really find interesting relative to how someone can be so successful by not coming into a company, into a problem, into a relationship with a preconceived notion that she’s very intelligent and speaks over four languages, done very well academically, that whole element of learning has always come easy and natural. And so, she’s recognized that when you see someone that has a certain behavior that you find offensive, do you get an attitude about that? Do you treat that person differently than, say, one who you find attractive or interesting, funny, warm, conscientious, authentic? Of course, because again, remember what we’re designed to do and that survive. So, we have all these past experiences that once we meet someone new, they come into play. They have nothing to do with the new person, but they can have everything to do with the new person because of the old person. Had a bad relationship with someone who look like that? That emotion and experience can interfere with what we call those preconceived notions, having our mind made up beforehand and sometimes we don’t even know we’re doing it. OK, somebody pops into view, we didn’t say, “when I meet this person, I’m going to have a preconceived notion,” but if they look like someone, we had a bad experience with, or something we’re going to do, that was difficult the last time we tried, even if it’s different, but it’s similar enough that, oh, golly, this is going to be hard. Well, what happens to us when we have preconceived notions, we have our mind already made up.
[00:23:50] Now, imagine someone as gifted as Susan is and she’s in the field of technology. A company gets stuck and they’re unable to process or create the information that they need or have the flow in work that they’d like to accomplish. And they recognize they need a new design, or a new system. She comes into those organizations and helps brainstorm with all of their experts, and if they don’t have a particular one, then she brings a team in. The reason she is so successful is she gets everybody to buy in first. Here’s why, she challenges others to challenge the solution. So, when she thinks they finally got it resolved, then she opens it up for people to pick it apart, to come up with anything that they may see that could cause this not to be successful. And because she doesn’t have a preconceived notion, she’s not locked on, and when you’re not locked on, what are you open up too? You’re open to new ideas.
[00:25:04] I’m going to challenge you wherever you are now during your day, to think about some of the things that are coming up that you’ve done before, like going home, or meeting with your spouse or significant other, or talking with your children, and watch the preconceived notions that you bring in. Watch what can trigger an attitude, maybe it’s an expression on the child’s face when you ask them to do something, that automatically causes you to react in a particular way. Now, do you want to be close to that child? You want to have that great conversation with that child, then you might find out that your reaction is in no danger of creating that. So rather than finding fault with yourself, ask yourself what kind of an outcome would I really like from this interaction? And it’ll change the conversation and the reaction that you have. That’s called vision. It’s knowing in advance how you want them to turn out, but then enjoying how it turns out, enjoying the process by which it turns out, otherwise, you bring a preconceived notion in on what has to happen for that outcome to occur. That’s where she is so successful, because she realizes that it doesn’t matter if she thinks the outcome is going to work, but what if anyone who’s working on it doesn’t agree with that and they haven’t had a chance to be heard.
[00:26:35] Her leadership, which has been written up to the Harvard Business Review, for those leaders out there, you will learn a great deal by listening to her podcast, Susan Houde. And it’s actually spelled “h o u d e” sounds like “h o o d” when you pronounce it. The other thing that she brought to the party that I’d like to wrap up today’s podcast with. Is that what’s our ultimate motivator? What’s the only reason why we get up in the morning or we do what we do? It’s a question that children are really good at asking, “why?”.
[00:27:31] “I want you to clean your room. “.
[00:27:33] “Because I don’t want you to sleep in that mess.”.
[00:27:46] Why is the reason behind we do what we do. It’s our sense of purpose. When the why is greater than anything else going on and can’t be accomplished quickly, then it drives us to continue day after day after day. OK, if my why is to create something that mankind can benefit from, I might not pull that off immediately. But I’m not going to stop because I’ve had a few failures along the way. Why? Because my why is to create something that benefits the world. Remember, my ‘why’ in business is to bring out the best in others because it brings out the best in myself. Does that change how I deal with people? Absolutely. Can I have preconceived notions when I’m going into a relationship? No. Why? Because I wouldn’t be able to fulfill my ‘why.’ When everyone in your company gets to fulfill their own ‘why’ by fulfilling the ‘why’ of the organization or its vision, which is another term for that, amazing things happen. Retention goes up because people want to come to work because they’re going to feel fulfilled.
[00:29:19] That was something that she talked a little bit about, sharing the why motivates people because they now see the big picture and how they will find value in accomplishing it. What’s your big picture? What gets you up in the morning? Is it exciting? Are you coming from value, or do you hit the snooze alarm? When you awaken in the morning is probably the greatest awareness that you can have to find out how your life’s going. OK, because when you’re looking forward. What kind of a morning do you have when you wake up? You’re emotionally feeling amazing, you’re in anticipation of the great day, and you can’t wait to get it started. In fact, you may have had trouble sleeping last night, but it won’t matter because you’ll just work off of adrenaline alone.
[00:30:20] Or what if you hit the snooze alarm? Because, “I have to go to work.” Guess who has created that, and that’s where power comes from, because you don’t “have” to go to work, just stay home. And you go, well, “if I stayed home, I’d lose my job.” Yeah, then shut your mouth, get your ass up and go to work because, you want it. You want what you’re able to get by having that job. And you’re also going to find out that the reason things aren’t going well for you in that job are because the attitude you’re bringing when you show up at that job. Everyone can feel it, as everyone can feel how we feel at any moment in time. How do we want to make others feel? Would there be any value if they actually enjoyed our company, if they look forward to us coming home? And you know how that feels, don’t you?
[00:31:23] So I thank all of you for taking the time to listen to the recap today, and for investing in yourself and being able to take a pause, and ask “where my opportunities?” “Where can I make a little more positive impact on the lives of those around me?” And, you know, when you ask that question, it may be that barista that’s handing you your coffee. There are so many opportunities for us to make someone else’s life just a little bit better. And the good news about that, it’s the law reciprocity, isn’t it? What goes around comes around. So, I look forward to you coming around to the next podcast. If you benefited from this at all or have enjoyed these, take a moment, do a review. It just makes all the difference in the world to me. So, take care. It’s been a pleasure and all the best.
Narrator Thank you for listening. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, we ask that you please subscribe and share with your friends and associates. Larry’s next guest is Tami Simon, the founder of Sounds True, one of the world’s leading wisdom-based multimedia companies whose mission is to wake up the world. This highly unique and mind changing interview will leave you with a fresh, invigorating perspective while wanting more. Join Larry and Tami while they dig deep into the inner skills necessary to succeed in the post pandemic society and why you’re true, authentic self, is your greatest asset.
Sign up for our insight-driven NEWSLETTER T.I.P. "The Inside Perspective”
The Inside Perspective offers insights for achieving more of what you want in life and work through bi-monthly T.I.P.’s, articles, and videos.